Clearing My Thoughts/My "Work" On Losing My Father

Fill in the blanks below, writing about someone (dead or alive) you haven’t yet forgiven one hundred percent. Use short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself—try to fully experience the anger or pain as if the situation were occurring right now. Take this opportunity to express your judgments on paper.

1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why? What is it about them that you don’t like?
I am ____angry___ at ___my dad_because _he died and left me in chaos_. I don't like that he was so weak and selfish as to leave me.

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
I want ___dad___ to ____be alive_________i wish he hadn't died__. I want him to take responsibility and keep his agreement to me as a parent.

3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?
_______dad shouldn't____have died and left me in chaos____.

4. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need_____dad___ to __be here for me___.

5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
_____dad____ is _selfish irresponsible mean weak.

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to ____feel abandoned, be left alone, have a good man disappear on me_be let down by a man or a good friend or feel disappointed in anyone____.

Investigate each of your statements using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface.

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine, specific examples of each turnaround. Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common. A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine, specific examples in your life where each turnaround is true.

#1. I am ____angry___ at ___my dad_because _he died and left me in chaos_. I don't like that he was so weak and selfish as to leave me.
Yes i am angry. it is true. Did he die, yes. Did he leave me in chaos, yes. Was he weak and selfish, no. did he leave me, no. He just died.
I feel resentment, I feel anger, I feel sad, I attract other experiences so I get to feel abandoned over and over again, when i feel the emptiness i eat, I try to find happiness outside of myself.
Without this thought I would be at peace. I would be in acceptance of all that is. I would be forgiving. I would be more loving. I would be less fearful of it happening again, I would no longer attract the experience because I would be in full acceptance of it. I would be happy and more of me. I would allow it to be what it is even if it happened again. And I would not leave myself as a way to experience it over and over.
TURN AROUND:
1. I am angry at myself because a part of me died and left me in chaos.
2. I am not angry at my dad because he did not die and did not leave me in chaos. He died and left me exactly where I was supposed to be.
3. I'm not angry at my dad because he was suppose to die and leave me in chaos.
SECOND PART OF THE STATEMENT TURN AROUND:
1. I don't like when I am weak, when I am selfish and when I leave mySELF.
2. I accept when i am weak and selfish and sometimes feel dying would be easier. It is ok when I leave me as sometimes that is necessary in order for me to find myself again.
3. I accept that he was weak and selfish to die and leave me. He had Cancer. And it was his right.
#2. I want ___dad___ to ____be alive_________i wish he hadn't died__. I want him to take responsibility and keep his agreement to me as a parent.
YES/No
I long for something totally out of my control. I feel out of control. I feel bad.. i feel left alone.. left out.. fatherless..flawed because of it.. judgmental, justified, look for ways to control.. eating.. cleaning.. telling other ppl what to do.
Without this thought I would be much more accepting of what is and of others.. i would accept others exactly as they are where they are.. less judgmental about where they are. i would be more FREE.
TURN AROUND
1. I want ME To be alive, i wish I hadn't died and I want myself to take responsibility and keep my agreement to myself as a parent/nurturing being.
2. I don't want my dad to be alive, I'm happy he died and I don't need him to take responsibility and don't need him to keep his agreement to me as a parent.
3. I want to be alive for him, i wish i hadn't died to him, and i want myself to take responsibility and keep my agreement with him.
#3. Dad shouldn't____have died and left me in chaos____.
YES/NO
Angry, self righteous, victimized, i get ridged with others and my rules about how they should "be there for me"
Without this thought I would be my best self. I wouldn't feel like a victim.
TURN AROUND
1. Dad was supposed to die, he lived out his life and it was his time. He was supposed to leave me in chaos. it has made me who i am today.
2. Dad was there for me as much as he could be and i get to keep that. He hasn't died inside me and all the gifts he gave me are alive inside me as well.
3. I part of me was supposed to die and I was left in chaos in order to find my strength and power.
#4. I need_____dad___ to __be here for me___.
NO/NO
Angry, I have to do EVERYTHING by myself or it wont get done. Justified, self righteous, judgmental, disappointed in others, give up, don't expect much, settle for less. Indifferent.
Without this thought I would be ok how i am. I would be in acceptance of what is instead of shut down to the fact that he is not here and there's nothing i can do about it. There is something i can do about it and that is to question whether i NEED him to be here for me... no i do not otherwise he would be.. so i MUST be good as i am. I am ok.
TURN AROUND
1. I need ME to be here for ME.. and that gets to be my CHOICE not a have to.
2. I don't need dad to be here for me, otherwise he would be./My dad IS here for me.
3. I need to be there for my dad. I feel connected to my dad.
#5._____dad____ is _selfish irresponsible mean weak.
NO/NO
Angry, i project these feelings on other people in my life. Feel disappointed in others, judgmental, I'm sure i cut myself off from intimacy and am not the best friend i can be because of it.
Without that thought I would be free, happy, not feel like a victim, feel more confident in others and myself.
TURN AROUND
1. When I see him as those things I am being selfish irresponsible mean and weak
2. Dad was not selfish irresponsible mean and weak
3. I accept dad for being selfish irresponsible mean and weak. and it's ok.
#6. I don't ever want to ____feel abandoned, be left alone, have a good man disappear on me_be let down by a man or a good friend or feel disappointed in anyone____.
YES/NO
Desperate, fearful, out of control, i get crazy, panic, anxiety, bite my nails, stop taking care of myself, put all my attention on HOW they are ABANDONING ME, take all focus off of myself, stop taking care of my needs, get sad, depressed. spiral down, feel overwhelmed, stop taking care of my business. Feel disconnected.
Without that thought I would be content in each moment. And happy and appreciative for what is right now.
TURN AROUND
1. I am willing to feel abandoned, i am willing to be left alone, i am willing to have a good man disappear on me, i am willing to be let down by a man or a good friend and i am willing to be disappointed by people.
2. I look FORWARD to feeling abandoned, i look forward to being left alone, i look forward to having good men disappear on me, i look forward to being let down by a man or a good friend and i look forward to feeling disappointed in people.

"People with leave or they will stay. In any case, I stay." Byron Katie

CLEAR Your Mind 7 Day Mental Challenge

I'm doing this 7 day mental challenge and i invite you to join me. Positive thoughts ONLY for 7 days starting today! When a neg thought comes in, let it go (like toxic waste and then let something healthier in...like fresh air.. fresh water or some ice tea!) & .. refocus your thoughts on what you DO have instead what you dont, who LOVES you? What IS working instead of what isn't, find the appreciation for the situation or the person, and instead of judging someone, get curious and try to see another side of things... u in?

You already do this you say? Well GREAT! Try it for 7 days STRAIGHT! and Pass it on! I think someone's life WILL change for the better this week if we can get enough folks in on it.

"Free yourself from the disease of making others WRONG and you'll free yourSELF from the disease of making yourSELF wrong. You have a lot more energy to create solution instead of problems.." Tony Robbins

Toni McCord: I'm in....when you focus on whats going right more things tend to go right...when you focus on what's going wrong, everything falls apart. It's something I try to practice on a daily. So lets be positive and watch all the positive things that happen. Problems are just opportunity in disguise! Rock On Sister!

Alicia Cabello: I'm in!! I was just trying to teach my 7 year old...that if she thinks she will NEVER be student of the month. she won't be. If she believes one day she WILL be. She will be. Either way she is right! I KNOW she doesnt quite get it. But, I'm so glad I have the opppotunity to teach her the power of thinking positive!

You get the point!
Let's let some sunshine in!!
And PLEASE REPOST!!!
Refocusing one mind at a time..... starting with mine!
Jenifu

Clearly Unconditional Love

Was listening to an interview with Tony Robbins and John Grey this afternoon when John said something which CONFIRMED a suspicion I've had for years now. he said, "True love does not require a "sorry"."

It made me think about why i feel uncomfortable when my friends thank me for listening to them vent or giving them a ride to the airport. I HONESTLY do not need the "thank you"... and i feel it is TOTALLY unnecessary. And I always wondered why. Same with saying "I'm sorry". Never needed it. Always reminded me of when we were kids and one kid would do something shitty and our parents would say now "Say you're sorry." and Magically that made everything all better? But did it?

In my relationships, we KNOW we appreciate each other by the way we interact. We KNOW when one another feels bad about something they weren't able to do, had to cancel, or back out on at the last minute and we don't need to hear the "sorry" in order to be forgiven or to retain our position in this friendship... In the Unconditional Love Game there's nothing one needs to do, no requirements to keep or earn that love. Requirements, rules, regulations, are ALL a part of the Conditional Love Game, which I no longer participate in.

Now let me clarify, if saying sorry makes YOU feel better then by all means, say it.. but I don't need you to. I already know... and I COMPLETELY LOVE YOU ANYWAY.

Our society has conditioned us to make sure we abide by these common courtesy phrases/rules and regulations as a way to make others feel better but they become unnecessary in the Unconditional Love Game because... I ALREADY KNOW AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR DO NOT DO, SAY OR DO NOT SAY, I WILL LOVE YOU ANYWAY..

*Now.. I'm not talking about abusive relationships where there are no boundaries. I'm talking about mutually unconditional loving relationships, platonic and intimate.

I WILL LOVE YOU... ANYWAY. It's just how I roll.

jenifu

ALOE! Healing Plant..Clear Skin/Clear Digestive Tract/Immune System Booster

My current obsession.. ALOE VERA GEL!! I've been up on aloe since i started working with my nutritionist in 1996...but I'm currently OBSESSED with it AGAIN and have noticed it is one of the first ingredients in ALL my fave skin care products and some of my hair products. I just started using it to hold down my stray/broken hairs...and let me tell you, it's AMAZING.
Check this.


Suggested Properties:
Anti-inflammatory, anti-bacterial, anti-viral and energy tonic


Indicated for:
Digestive tract irritations such as colitis, ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome, cleansing stomach, liver, kidneys, spleen, bladder and colon, arthritis, asthma, bladder and kidney infections, cancer, constipation, diverticular disorders, haemorrhoids, heartburn, heart disease, HIV, immune stimulation, indigestion, insomnia, kidney disease, leg cramps, leukemia, skin health, stomach distress, tumours, vaginitis, vaginal douche, viruses, white blood cell production and general health tonic.


In 1994, the US Food and Drug Administration approved Aloe vera for the treatment of HIV. On-going studies worldwide show that Aloe taken in highly concentrated doses can stimulate the production of white blood cells that may help fight viruses and also tumours.


Aloe vera contains protein, calcium, magnesium, zinc, vitamins A, B12 and E, essential fatty acids and is naturally rich in:

Vitamin C which helps maintain tone of blood vessels and promotes good circulation and is essential to the health of the adrenal gland which supports our body in times of stress.

Amino acids which are chains of atoms constructing protein in our body.

Enzymes, which are the life-principle in every live, organic atom and molecule of natural raw food, rejuvenate aged tissues and promote healthy skin.

Germanium which is a mineral that some health authorities claim therapeutic benefits for: immunodeficiency, pain, cardiac disorders, circulatory disturbances and eye problems.

Aloe vera juice is said to be one of the finest body cleansers, cleaning morbid matter from the stomach, liver, kidneys, spleen, bladder, and is considered the finest, known colon cleanser. Studies have shown that it is healing and soothing in the relief of indigestion, stomach distress and ulcers. People claim relief from arthritis, bladder and kidney infections; leg cramps, constipation, hemorrhoids, insomnia, and for vaginitis, it is said to be an excellent vaginal douche. An excellent internal tonic for energy and well being Aloe juice may add greatly to the strength of the food fed, digestive tract, skin, and overall good health and happiness.

It is also used to ease heartburn, ulcers, diverticular disorders, and other types of digestive upset. It is used as an anti-inflammatory and may be taken internally as a remedy for certain digestive complaints. European folk medicine calls for using Aloe vera juice to relieve heartburn and ulcers. Preliminary research has shown promising results. Clinical trials in Japan indicate that certain compounds in Aloe vera reduce the secretion of stomach juices and the formation of lesions.

It has now come to light that the magical aloe vera plant can also help your mouth. According to the Academy of General Dentistry, it has become an active ingredient in tooth gel after tests supported its germ-fighting ability by determining that it can eliminate bacteria in the mouth.

Toothpaste is designed to have this function as well. One of the things in aloe vera's favor, however, is that it can eliminate bacteria without being as abrasive as most regular toothpastes. This is good news for people with sensitive teeth or gums.

CLEAR skin

Ok, so besides getting enough sleep, not stressing over the small stuff (which is all of it i hear), drinking lots of water, green tea, eating leafy green veggies and getting your vitamins daily... these are just a couple of my favorite skin care products for keeping our skin CLEAR.



http://www.healthsuperstore.com/p-jason-hyper-c-ester-c-facial-serum-1-oz.htm

LOVE this serum and i get it from WholeFoods



http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2920698?cm_cat=datafeed&cm_pla=skin%2Fbody_treatment:women:moisturizer&cm_ite=mario_badescu_drying_lotion_for_travel:176005&cm_ven=Froogle&mr:trackingCode=1FE3CFFD-D981-DE11-B712-001422107090&mr:referralID=NA



One of the best drying lotions for acne that thinks it wants to show up.
I get it at Sephora..

And I'm on a mission to finding out which foods and products can help us hold onto our collagen!
When i find it i will let you know... and u do the same!

love and light.
jfu